Sorry for whispering, but I don't want to let this one company know that I've figured out how to get a free t-shirt! I think there's a glitch in the matrix or something. See, I kind of stumbled across this site that says if I send in a picture of my kid I can get a...
EVERYONE can do that?
And the COMPANY KNOWS?
Oh. Well, forget the whispering, then. I should shout it from the hilltop that you can get freebies by mail and all sorts of free deals at All Free Samples (all-free-samples.com).
I would do that, too, except that hilltop is pretty tall and I'm sort of lazy. So I'll just let you know that All Free Samples saves you the trouble of searching around the web for free stuff, and collects all the free things you want in one place, fromfree online dating services to free baby stuff to the aforementioned free t-shirt that you can get just by uploading a picture of your kid, and yeah I see it on the site now, thanks, I thought I was cool for finding it but I guess I was just a sucker.
In fact, the All Free Samples site has like twenty different listings for free t-shirts alone! I might never have to buy a t-shirt again, and since a free t-shirt is among the best rewards a society can offer its citizens (I'll do almost anything if you give me a shirt saying I did it), All Free Samples is kind of like the Smithsonian of websites. Is that right? I'm not sure what the Smithsonian does, other than keep live dinosaur skeletons around to torment Ben Stiller. (That's in the museum's charter.)
Anyhow, the secret's out: You can get free stuff at All Free Samples. Lots of free stuff. More than just t-shirts. I'm not sure why you're still reading this. GO!