Thursday, April 26, 2012

W is for "Wait, didn't you do W yesterday?" (A To Z Challenge, Star Wars Blogathon)


Lots of people have ideas on how we could speak to aliens, or learn to do so, at least.  Wired Science, in an article I didn't know about when I wrote about the same thing, said scientists think should first learn to talk to dolphins.

eHow, on the other hand, takes a more serious approach, recommending that you meditate outside in your underwear.  That may seem weird, but it's just a preface to telling them you want to make the sexy times with them; eHow's tip number 7 is:


  • 7
    Ride in their ship if you like. You may not have a choice. Establish an ongoing relationship with them by telling them you want to participate in their breeding program.


  • Sure, that works for aliens, but when I tried it with girls in college, oh, the looks I got.

    Even Forbes got into the act, interviewing scientists about the best way to talk with aliens. My two favorite ideas? Forget the holographic movie about life on Earth, and instead consider these old-school  proposals:

    In 1820, German mathematician Karl Friedrich Gauss proposed cutting an enormous right triangle into the Siberian pine forest, creating a monument to the Pythagorean theorem big enough to see from outer space. Twenty years later, Austrian astronomer Joseph von Littrow expanded on that idea, suggesting the excavation of huge trenches in the Sahara desert, which would be filled with kerosene and set ablaze. 

    That. Would. Be. Awesome.  Assuming that the aliens (a) see in our spectrum of light and (b) have angles.  Who says they'd have to have angles at all?  Maybe they never discovered the Pythagorean theorem.  Maybe they have Brifgel's Theorem, which states that straight lines are impossible to make because all time and space is curved, and so there is no such thing as a "right triangle."

    Granted, part of that theory is stolen from Einstein, who had some thoughts on the matter, including the fact that your so-called "triangles" have more than 180 degrees in them and that when you throw a ball into the air you are actually traveling into a fifth dimension.




    The name Brifgel, by the way, is my alien name; according to this site, to make your own alien name, you must use the first three letters of your first name, the first letter of your middle name, and the last three letters of your last name. Which makes the President's alien name Barhama, while his presumptive competitor, the word presumptive being applied by party leaders since Republicans can't believe that they have a choice between a Mormon and a black man for president this year which means that probably the record numbers of people turning in their US citizenship are Tea Partiers, is Wilmney.

    Man, even Mitt Romney's alien name sounds stuffy and boring.

    Which brings me to David Icke.

    David Icke has a site on which he promises to "Expose the dreamworld we believe to be real," and the site looks every bit as Matrixian as that sounds, with all greens and blacks and headlines about things like "Vibrational Awakenings."  This is straight off his Wikipedia page, this being precisely the kind of thing I would actually trust Wikipedia for:

    Icke was a well-known BBC television sports presenter and spokesman for the Green Party, when in 1990 a psychic told him he was a healer who had been placed on Earth for a purpose, and that the spirit world was going to pass messages to him so he could educate others. In March 1991 he held a press conference to announce that he was a "Son of the Godhead" – a phrase he said later the media had misunderstood – and the following month told the BBC's Terry Wogan show that the world would soon be devastated by tidal waves and earthquakes. He said the show changed his life, turning him from a respected household name into someone who was laughed at whenever he appeared in public.
     And this, too, is from the Wikipedians:

    At the heart of his theories lies the idea that a secret group of reptilian humanoids called the Babylonian Brotherhood controls humanity, and that many prominent figures are reptilian, including George W. Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, Kris Kristofferson, and Boxcar Willie.

    Wait, what?  I mean, I'm more than willing to believe that George Worst President Ever was controlled by reptilian humanoids



    but let's not drag Boxcar Willie into this, what do you say?

    Also, who is Boxcar Willie?

    I googled him and found out he's a dead country-western singer, which means that the Babylonian Brotherhood is not very good at selecting their pawns.  Country-western singer?  You'd have been better off picking The George Baker Selection, because who could resist the seductive harmonies of Una Paloma Blanca?




    After resigning from his broadcasting position, announcing that he was the son of the Godhead and sometimes intimating that he might be the actual son of God, then declaring that the world was going to end in 1997, Icke was criticized openly by the press and the public, which Icke seemed to think was unfair:

    One of my very greatest fears as a child was being ridiculed in public. And there it was coming true. As a television presenter, I'd been respected. People come up to you in the street and shake your hand and talk to you in a respectful way. And suddenly, overnight, this was transformed into "Icke's a nutter." I couldn't walk down any street in Britain without being laughed at. It was a nightmare. My children were devastated because their dad was a figure of ridicule
     That seems sad until you consider that David Icke gives lectures that cost up to $100 to attend and which lure several thousand people to them and that his website draws 600,000 hits per week and is apparently doing okay financially.

    And the alien connection?  According to Icke, the reptoid Babylonians are not just reptiles who ingest monatomic gold to speed up the processing of nerve impulses to make them supersmart, but are extradimensional extraterrestrial aliens who reside in the "lower levels" of the 4th dimension and who have themselves mated with humans and other aliens.  The reptoids -- Annunaki, I think they're called but I can't be sure because I've barely spent any time "researching" this -- are descended from reptilian aliens around the constellation Draco:




     Which makes perfect sense because everyone knows that constellations are like little star subdivisions and those stars in that constellation are probably only about 50 feet apart (less with a zoning variance, but the Constellation Council is notoriously stingy with those).

    The Annunaki mate with humans to create the chosen ones for political reasons, so simply volunteering for their breeding program probably won't work, thanks for nothing, eHow!, and anyway maybe you don't want to because the Annunake also breed with an alien race called the Nordics which produces Aryan-almost-human people.



    The Annunaki are, by the way, using the moon to control your mind, which is why if we'd all listened to Iranian-American mathematician's proposal to blow up the moon, we'd be better off in numerous ways.   Why do we even bother having a space program if we never use it to blow something up, is what I'd like to know.  Every single other program the government runs has blown something up at one time or another.

    Yep. Every single one.  Medicare once deliberately exploded my grandpa's favorite rocking chair.  He swore that was a true story and that's why he hated the revenooers.

     So that is my W post. Or my second W post.  I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, but that probably doesn't matter because thanks to the Reptoids and Alien Nordics, I probably don't have free will anyway -- only a small portion of the people do, Icke points out, with the remainder of humanity being divided into sheeple that do what they're told, and "Red Dresses," software people whose bodies are only holographic projections.



     
    I assume I'm one of those Red Dressed, because I can not lose any weight, no matter how hard I exercise.  And now I know it's not that I have pizza for breakfast, it's alien reptiles controlling me from the moon.  That's certainly a relief!

    Here is Question 61 in the Great Star Wars Blogathon!

    Who disguised himself as the bounty hunter Snoova, and what was he trying to infiltrate?

    With apologies to Andrew, I'm not sure how I could make the questions any harder what with me not knowing much of anything about Star Wars and simply cribbing these from other sources. Commenter number 3 gets the 10 bonus points if (s)/he is not a reptilian alien or commenter number 2; the last commenter gets 10 points, and don't forget:

    Write your blogfest entry! The Triweekly Blogfest Challenge -- prize is $10 -- is to post something on the theme of "Han shot first, but Time-Traveling Elvis shot second" by April 29.  Leave a link to your post in the comments to this post. You'll get 100 points for posting it, plus 5 for mentioning the blogathon.


    You can get 1,000 points by mentioning the Yellow Hill fundraiser on your blog; here's the post where I explain that, and you can  click here to go directly to the Yellow Hill fundraising page.  If you don't want the points, you can in the alternative link to/mention it and get a free book of mine.(Find my books here.) (If you've done this, leave me a link and I'll get you the points.)

    And I'm going to put another bounty out: 500 points if you get Julian Darius, or anyone from Martian Lit, to leave a comment here. 

    Here are the Star Wars Blogathon standings; check your point total here.

    Now, here's some more George Baker Selection:








    13 comments:

    PT Dilloway, Superhero Author said...

    Snoova's fame inspired the Human replica droid Guri to disguise another well-known Wookiee, the Rebel Alliance operative Chewbacca, as Snoova in an effort to smuggle him past customs in Imperial City, where Chewbacca was a wanted Rebel agent.

    That was part of the "Shadows of the Empire" thing so he was trying to infiltrate the Black Sun crime family I suppose.

    PT Dilloway, Superhero Author said...

    Oh yeah did you say in there somewhere how much that question was worth?

    Rusty Webb said...

    I Wonder of he ever worked with Marv Albert? And I can smell the Wookie involvement in the trivia question.

    But really, I got nothing. Can't think of one witty thing to say. It's probably the weather.

    Andrew Leon said...

    I'm being called away half way through... it's been one of those days.
    >sigh<
    I'll be back to finish this one tomorrow.
    Don't forget to check my "X" post.

    PT Dilloway, Superhero Author said...

    Meh.

    Andrew Leon said...

    Is that an 'I'm trying to be last' "Meh"?

    Andrew Leon said...

    Is that an 'I'm trying to be last' "Meh"?

    Rusty Webb said...

    Okay - Rusty has finally entered the tri weekly challenge. My entry is here...

    http://rustywebb.blogspot.com/p/elvis-leia-and-greedo-walk-into-bar.html

    Andrew Leon said...

    Y'all are all going to force me to write one of these things, aren't you?

    Andrew Leon said...

    I disagree with the whole country music thing. I mean, Brain almost took over the world with country music that one time.

    Rusty Webb said...

    Btw - oh my goodness... That Una paloma blanca song. It was my FAVORITE song when I was like, 3 or 4. I could still sing the chorus, kinda, I forgot the actual words, but no one ever knew what I was talking about.

    I weep with joy. I can't wait to send this to everyone.

    Andrew Leon said...

    >blink<

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