Let’s add up all of the things “science” has given us over the years:
- Cadbury Crème Eggs. (+10 points for science.)
- Lasers, only nobody can use them except scientists. (-20 points for science.)
- Jetpacks? Not yet. Thanks for nothing, science. (-50 points.)
As you can see based on that accurate review of the history of scientific achievement, humanity barely has any reason not to go back to the days of horoscopes and augury. Or so I thought, until I heard about Miracle-Gro® Expand ‘n Gro™ Concentrated Planting Mix.
Yep: I’m talkin’ about my garden again. But can you blame me? For 10 years now, I have been doing my absolute best…
…okay, I’ve been doing my absolute mediocre-est…
…okay, I’ve occasionally been paying attention to…
my yard, hoping to turn it from a small, nondescript patch of land with a basketball in it that the kids left there and which I refuse to pick up on grounds of principle, to a beautiful perennial garden with (so far) results I would describe as “mixed,” but only because I don’t want to describe them as “a complete failure.”
It’s not entirely my fault (as you’d expect a lawyer to say.) Part of the problem is that gardening is hard work, and I went to school specifically to avoid such things, and part of the problem is that the soil in our area is a mixture of 99% sand and 1% “old fliers that have been blowing around the neighborhood.” Which is not the optimal mix.
That’s where Miracle-Gro®. With Expand ‘n Gro™ Concentrated Planting Mix comes in and gets me off the hook by using SCIENCE.
Real science, not that loser-y kind that hasn’t invented jetpacks yet.
With Expand ‘n Gro, I can get up to three times the flowers and vegetables the soil would ordinarily allow to grow in my yard, and the effect lasts for years; the Expand ‘n Gro helps by expanding and aerating the soil when watered, so it helps provide air and water to the plants in a more efficient way.
So my yard can stop having 1-2 wilting tulips and that sad bush that I think is a blueberry bush but I don’t remember – I can put Miracle-Gro® Expand ‘n Gro™ Concentrated Planting Mix in and get some plants and watch them thrive for a change, finally causing my yard to be the kind of place where I want to hang out. All those plants I see at the garden store that I’m afraid to buy because they’ll just die in our yard? I can buy them and plant them! And by putting it in now, the Expand ‘n Gro will last for six months, feeding those plants through the first year until they’re established.
I’ve gotten myself a free sample of it to try out – I’ll let you know the results. You can get it at garden stores everywhere, and you can receive a sample size, too – comment on this post if you want one and I’ll send one to you, too!
I’m not the science-y type myself, but I should point out that Expand ‘n Gro uses “coconut coir, a lightweight, natural material that comes from coconuts – so you’re helping recycle at the same time as you’re helping your garden. It’s like DOUBLE recycling, making you an environmental hero on the level of Aldo Leopold. He had something to do with the environment, right?
Anyway, based on this new product, I’m willing to leave science around a bit longer. But it’s on probation. Watch your step, science. ‘Cause I’m watching you.