Friday, April 10, 2009

Someone get Dane Cook's agent on the line.

Every Sunday, in the paper, I see the ads and there's always a flier for ordering "personalized" checks. And every Sunday, I think "That is a blatant case of false advertising and they should be sued."

(Bored, tired lawyers = bad for society.)

The checks aren't personalized at all. They're just generic checks that everybody has, or could have, if they didn't linger too long over the Shopko ads. Puppies? A farm scene? That sort-of-half-scene rainbow? As I like to say: pleh.

I'll say it again: pleh.

How are those personal? If they're not personal to me, they're not personalized, are they? (Do you suppose two people ever realize they've got the same checks and then fall in love? Wouldn't that make a great Dane Cook/ Jessica Alba movie? "Check Me Out: Dane thought he was doomed to spend life alone consoled only by his checks with pictures of puppies hugging kittens while riding motorcycles... until one day he wrote a check at a gas station while Jessica wrote her check at a gas station, and it was love at first "-- dang, I can't think of a catchy check-related phrase to finish that up.

Anyway, I don't waste my time with puppies, rainbows, and great military encounters. I personalize my checks using Vista Print, which lets me create ACTUAL personalized checks. Not just two or three predetermined designs that someone in Peoria thought were cute. Vista Print (which lets me do business checks and personal checks, and lets me print my own checks right on my computer, if I want) has 72


Different options just in "personal checks" alone -- options like the tiger-print background & border (my personal favorite), and options including putting a logo or symbol next to your name (so I could put that frog with two pens on, maybe? Remember that one? 'Cause I do) and then I can order checks easily and cheaply, right off the Internet.

No more puppies and tanks for me: It's all tiger-prints and frog logos from here on out, baby.

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