Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Up until today I thought I was more significant than a "Moo Box." (Greatest Thing In The World, EVER!)

This is not a part of my ongoing quest to get the "Comment of the Week" Status on Josh Fruhlinger's "Comics Curmudgeon" (but it can't hurt, right? Sycophancy never hurts.)

OH MAN I just came up with a whole new motto for me and everyone else in the world.  By the time you read this that will be the subhead for this blog.

Anyway, here's what I'm on about now, as the British would say probably, maybe? I don't know any British folk.  Technically, that's not true.  I know my "aunt," Suzanne, who I believe is British but isn't really my aunt because she and my uncle never married.  Or maybe they did, now, because I haven't spoken to Uncle Doug in years.  Who knows? Anyway, she's British, as is Prince Harry of Wales, and while I don't know him, I know of him and that's about the same thing, at least insofar as my chances of ever getting knighted are concerned.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, the latest Greatest Thing In The World Ever, which is this:

That's a real book, and an e-book, and it's real funny (and e-funny.)  I ate lunch today, as I do everyday, and at lunch today I thought to myself "What should I read while I eat lunch?" my choices being:

-- HuffPo
-- "The Brothers Karamazov,"
-- "The Gone Away World"
-- Other stuff like The New Yorker but I wasn't really going to read them so it was pretty much those three.

Then I thought "Hey, I'll read The Comics Curmudgeon instead," which you'd think (previously noted sycophancy and it's relationship to hurting already noted) was based on that being A BRILLIANT WEBSITE THAT OCCUPIES MY MIND ALL THE TIME AND I READ IT EVERY DAY.

Now that Josh Fruhlinger is no longer reading this post but instead has gone to tell all his 'buddies' (he uses the term ironically, I bet) that some guy on the Internet thinks he's brilliant, I can reveal the SECRET REAL REASON I READ THE COMICS CURMUDGEON which was:

My internet was loading slowly and so when I tried to go to the HuffPo front page to see the news, it took more than 3 seconds and I got bored and went instead to a different site, with the first one that came up being The Comics Curmudgeon.

So this post is basically being sponsored, as it were, by the simple-but-true-fact that if you make someone wait more than 5 seconds for something their brain stops focusing on that thing, which is actually probably true, if you take as "true" that I once heard something on Freakonomics, I think, about a hospital that revised its ER computers to provide medical histories faster because if a person waits 10 seconds that person, even an ER doctor, will forget what he or she was doing (I used "she" because doctors can be women, you know!).

I read today's Curmudgeoning quickly -- it's short -- which is good for internet people, 100% of whom stopped reading this post 8 words into it because it didn't contain a sexy picture of Sarah Hyland

until now


So out of curiosity and because I still had some lunch left to eat, and therefore was not "done" with lunch yet, I downloaded the first 50 pages of that book-- remember what this post is about? -- for free,  because I'm not about to throw ninety-nine whole cents at something on the off-chance it might be good, right?

That's how people think about my books, apparently, anyway, so anyway, I downloaded the first 50 pages for free and was reduced to laughter and/or tears nearly 8 or 9 times in that first 50 pages, and found the rest to be so enjoyable that it immediately became The Greatest Thing In The World, EVER, and I heartily recommend you just shell out the $0.99 to get the ebook because I did, and I probably now will not get any more work done all day, but that's the breaks, kiddo, as the British like to say.

What makes it so great? Not just the hilariously bad writing, which is handily compiled FOR YOU by the book, but also the comments on each -- a one- or two-liner, usually, that has the effect of "sweeping the leg" when it comes to resisting the humor.

Take, for example, the "Moo Box" entry, which on Wikipedia is this:

The Moo box is a box, when you turn it upside down, creates the mooing of a cow.

And the comment in the book?

How’s this for a bleak realization: It’s extremely unlikely that your life will ever be notable enough to  warrant its own Wikipedia entry. Unlike the Moo box.

But this one was my favorite of first 50 pages, and what convinced me to buy the book:

At Disney Word, the Christmas Special ran until 2005 due to copyrights w/ some songs in the show like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. But is rumored to return in the future!

You’ve just encountered the most depressing
exclamation point in the history of the English

I'm laughing all over again.

One more:

Wikipedia says:

A cheese sandwich is a basic sandwich made generally with one or more slices of any kind of cheese on any sort of bread.


Book says:

From the Food Network’s newest hit series Anthony
Bourdain Phones It In.
It's awesome.  And, in case you were thinking about not reading any further in this post:

But actually you could have quit because it's over.

Want to know if there were ever any other Greatest Thing[s] In The World, EVER? There were but they were located on another blog, one that is sadly devoid of pictures of women in various states of undress but which does have MEN in various states of undress.  Long story.





Pat Dilloway said...

I really wonder what sort of person looks up "moo box" on Wikipedia.

Wow, apparently they can be used to help test a child's hearing.

Briane P said...

AWESOME. Well played, PT. Well played.

Andrew Leon said...

I don't know who Sarah Hyland is.

Short term memory is only good for about 7 seconds, so, yes, if you hit the 10 second mark, unless you have "rebooted" your short term memory, you will forget what you were doing. Which is why it's so easy to lose what you were about to say if someone interrupts you before you say it.

Briane P said...

Wait, what?

Andrew Leon said...


And did you get my email yesterday?
>knock knock<

Briane P said...

No. Did you send it to my gmail?


Andrew Leon said...

I did now.

Briane P said...

I did now.


Andrew Leon said...

I don't drink Coke anymore. How about a fizzy water?