Monday, June 03, 2013

Han broke up first. (Star Wars References)

While the rest of the world goes crazy over that breakup letter where the girl hid the guy's stuff, because love means never having to prove a letter isn't made up by, say, contacting the person who actually wrote the letter, I thought I'd share with you two Star Wars-themed breakup letters, because love also means never having to explain to your teacher that you have broken the cardinal rule, fallen in love, secretly married, and set into motion a chain of events that will eventually bring debris crashing down onto the jungle moons of Endor, spelling fiery doom for a race of innocent teddy-bear like people.

(What: you thought the remains of Death Star, Jr., would vaporize?)

The first is simple, to the point, and crude:

But what if you want to use Star Wars References not as a way to put people down, but to show how devoted you really are, by comparing yourself to evil or perhaps by comparing your beloved, now-ex, to the innards of an animal that smelled better when it was alive? You might write this:

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a restraining order.

As for whether the more-famous breakup letter is real, or not, I'll let you make up your own mind.  The letter:

was posted by "Nipplesquirrelham" (Really?) on Imgur, but Nipplesquirrelham (seriously?) doesn't claim he/she wrote it; rather, Nipplesquirrelham (doesn't have a job, I'm 100% sure) says it's the best breakup letter he/she has seen.

Nip... ok, I can't... this person also has as a goal to get 100,000 retweets by using that name, and otherwise appears to be in it for the notoriety.  

Not a single news story I read actually found the woman, or the man, or asked Ni... forget it... where he/she got the note.

So I did. I left him (?) a comment on the site, asking him to tell me where he got the letter.  We'll see what happens.



Pat Dilloway said...

Can you imagine the awkward letter Luke would have had to write when he found out Leia was his sister? "Gee, I really like you, but it turns out we're siblings. Um, sorry about those kisses on the Death Star and Hoth..."

Briane P said...

Stuff like that is how you know that Lucas never had a plan for a whole series.

Andrew Leon said...

Hey! I have that Yoda.