The reason you want to have children.

The kids think that I make them do clean-up chores as punishment simply because I don't like to do cleaning up. They'll be arguing or screwing around after dinner and I'll tell them That's it, go clean up the family room downstairs and make sure it's spotless! To which they uniformly reply You're just punishing like that because you don't like to clean up.

They couldn't be more wrong. I don't give them chores as punishment because I don't like to do the chores.

I give them chores as punishment because I'm lazy.

Isn't the whole point of having kids to eventually get to the time in your life when you can say I don't feel like sweeping the kitchen; you go do it. Isn't that why people have kids? I mean, yeah, yeah... love the kids, they're cute, carry on the family name, togetherness, all that stuff, but really it's about finally getting someone else to do the work, right?

I know when we were kids we did, by my estimate, 113% of the household chores. As I think back now with a memory that is completely unbiased, I do not recall my mom or dad ever doing a single thing around the house. They'd be watching TV and relaxing with martinis in leather easy chairs, while we were scrubbing the floor with -- as I recall -- a toothbrush. A small toothbrush. With no bristles.

Well, it's my turn now. We've got a bunch of kids (I haven't counted them in a while and they've got friends over so often that the friends feel like part of the family, so I'll guesstimate the number of actual kids that are "ours" at 6.2) and there's a bunch of chores to be done, and anyone can do that math.

There is an easier way, I'm told. Sweetie and others have mentioned that I could do my chores with very little expenditure of energy by getting an Accucharge Stick Vac or Hand Vac from Dirt Devil . They use 70% less energy than other vacuums, making them the first-ever cordless cleaners to get the Energy Star seal of approval. I could, Sweetie says, simply get that and save all that energy and avoid all the trouble my 'punishments' create.

I suppose she's got a point; they are more efficient, and easier to find than tiny bristle-less toothbrushes.