Sunday, June 15, 2008

Maybe I should work on those skills a bit more.

Dating and romance math: Championship caliber flirting + great looks =Victory Hair

More dating and romance math: Extreme Style by VO5 + Ultimate Flirting Championship = world's best contest.

Here's what you have to do. At the end of this post is a widget (which you can copy onto your own website, too!) and by clicking that or any of the links here, you'll be magically transported to a world (okay, a website) where you can demonstrate your flirting skills and maybe win the Ultimate Flirting Championship. Then, when you hone those skills in the Internet world, you can transfer them to real life and get yourself not just a victory, but some victory hair.

I've used that term a couple of times now, so maybe I should explain. "Victory Hair" is what you get when your flirting... works. Put just a little more bluntly, you have "perfect hair" when you first go out at night hoping to meet someone. You have "Victory Hair" when you come back home the next morning after meeting someone.

How can you assure yourself of getting "Victory Hair?" I'm probably the wrong guy to ask because I'm both married and getting pretty bald. I don't get "Victory Hair." I get "Victory Scalp." But having successfully tricked Sweetie into... that is, having gotten married, I have a few tips:

1. The best possible lines involve the names of states. You've heard of Are you from Tennessee, 'cause you're the only 10 I see! That's a great line, but branch out and be ready in case she's not from Tennessee. Think up lines for all 50 states and the territories. Like Are you from Guam, 'cause I'm gonna Guam onto you... I'll leave the rest up to you.

2. Don't take chances on one kind of cologne. In the week before you go out, buy one of every cologne and body spray you see and use them all on the night of the big date. That way, you're sure to hit on one that appeals to her.

3. Movies are a great first date because you can spend time together without the pressure of talking, and then they give you something to talk about afterwards. Movies can be even better, though, if you use the movie as a chance to talk to her. Just talk right through that movie and get to know her right then. It'll show her that you value her as a person.

So what do you think? Am I ready for the championship?

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