Thursday, December 04, 2008
The Best Christmas Song That Has Nothing To Do With Christmas But Is Still Considered a Christmas Song, and Also That Is Not Etc. etc. etc.
Like Pogo before me, I am one of the World's Greatest Thinkers, and I am Always Right.
I'm taking time out to brag a bit before getting on with today's song because I like nothing better than to brag that I am
Here's the latest time I was Always Right.
Back on November 6, I said this:
Think about this: Apple is always bragging that there are no viruses or junk that screw up Macs, whereas there are hundreds of viruses that screw up real computers. But why is that? Because Apple is so great at avoiding hackers? Wrong. It took hackers all of 38 seconds to hack into the iPhone and mess it up. The reason there's no viruses for Macs is because only 0.000001% of the computers in the world are Macs. If you're a deranged hacker who's dangerously isolated and trying to get back at the world in an obscure, email based way, are you going to target that 0.00001% of society? Who would notice? It's not likely to make headlines when only Justin Long's computer goes down. iPhones were popular, and got hacked. If Macs ever become popular, they'll have enough spyware and adware and viruses to qualify as the Paris Hilton of personal computers. So Apple ought to just quit bragging.
I really did say that. In a discussion about Green Lantern.
Then, on December 1, it was noted that Apple was recommending antivirus software.
Why would they do that? Let's go to Forbes.com, which notes that Apple had the warning up for some time, and that as sales of Macs grow, so will viruses.
As I, then, take over the reins of being America's Premier Thinker -- thanks, Pogo, you can relax now -- I will continue to tell you what's what and what's not, beginning with today's Christmas song, which is "It's A New Year (Just Get Along)", by Sister Hazel. As I noted yesterday, Christmas has a habit of rubbing off on anything that gets near it, which is how It's A New Year (Just Get Along) snuck into my Pandora Christmas rotation. Because it technically is not a "new year" when Christmas comes around. When you wake up on Christmas Day, it's a very old year -- the year is, at that point, about 516,960 minutes old.
Which makes "It's A New Year (Just Get Along) by Sister Hazel The Best Christmas Song That Has Nothing To Do With Christmas But Is Still Considered a Christmas Song, and Also That Is Not An Old Standard, "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' "Jingle Bell Rock" or "Run Run Rudolph,"
How This Song Demonstrates A Classical Christmas (as shown in "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" & "A Christmas Carol"): Christmas didn't originally start out with "visions of sugarplums" dancing in our heads and Jolly Old Elves jumping down Chimneys and old men being terrorized by ghosts; instead, Christmas absorbed those things once they were proposed as being a part of Christmas. So why not continue the only real Christmas tradition, which is the tradition of "Making Christmas stand for whatever we want it to stand for," like, in this case, having Christmas stand for the New Year, and also getting along.
How This Song Demonstrates Our Actual Christmas (as shown in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation): At the end of the movie [SPOILER ALERT! BUT DID YOU NEED A SPOILER ALERT TO INFORM YOU THAT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS AT THE END OF A MOVIE IS, IN FACT, A SPOILER? KIND OF REDUNDANT, ISN'T IT?], Clark and his family, having had his boss kidnapped by Eddie when the Christmas bonus turns out to be Jelly Of The Month, enjoy a raucous party with said kidnapped boss, the wife, Eddie, and I'm pretty sure the cops who came to shoot everyone -- proving that it is possible to just get along, if we try hard enough, and if we ignore the fact that the next day we will be indicted for conspiracy to kidnap, and extortion.
Click here to see all the other topics I’ve ever discussed!
Tired of the same old crummy Christmas songs? Check Out The Best of [fill in the blank] Christmas songs that are not old standards, "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree," "Jingle Bell Rock," or "Run Run Rudolph.":
The Best Indie Rocker Christmas Song That Is Not An Old Standard, "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' "Jingle Bell Rock" or "Run Run Rudolph,"
The Best Jazzy Swingin' Hepcat Christmas Song That Is Not An Old Standard, "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree' "Jingle Bell Rock" or "Run Run Rudolph."
And: The Best Christmas Song -- numero uno over all!