"Dino Dan" is a show about a schizophrenic little boy who spends most of his time ignoring other little children, and his family, while wandering through a world filled with terrible, horrifying monsters that often approach him and sometimes threaten him.
And it's a kid's show.
Not making any of that up. Here's the promo:
"I'm a regular kid...it helps that I can actually see dinosaurs, even though no one else can. Some people say I have an active imagination, but from where I see things, dinosaurs are everywhere."
Watching the show -- which Mr Bunches, our youngest, loves -- is an exercise in sadness, as "Dino" Dan contorts reality to account for the fact that only he sees the dinosaurs around him. I imagine that the final episode is going to find "Dino" Dan standing in a bloody room, the corpses of his family around him, as police look on in horror and "Dino" Dan says "I'm telling you, it was the Corythosaurus!" Then they'll play those tapes of his on Nancy Grace.
What Dino Dan does have going for it is Dan's mom, whose character is called "Mom." That's her off to the right, there.
Here's how Mom is described on the official Dino Dan site:
Dan's mom is one cool lady. She's a police officer who loves doing physical activities. Weekends, she likes to make sure Dan and Trek get outside for outings like hiking, bike riding, and horseback riding. Dan gets his irrepressible energy from his Mom and she's very proud of him. But she can be a disciplinarian when she needs to be. Dan's mom will occasionally stand in the way of his dino adventures but that's because she wants him to do his homework, eat his broccoli, and get ready to go to Grandma's.
I added the emphasis; Nickelodeon does not emphasize the sexiness of its show's moms.
Mom is played by Allana Harkin, who has a blog, "Things Yelled Out In Public," and who, before she was a mom trying hard not to notice that she's going to have to medicate her son, was in a variety of TV shows, a sketch comedian, and who appears to know me, because she's got this picture:
On her website (where she's very funny), and I couldn't help but notice that the astronaut there is the same one that graces my Eclipse book trailer:
So I can only assume that Allana Harkin is a fan of mine, which is going to make Sweetie pretty jealous.
Here's Allana in costume from the play "First Hand Woman":
She played "Acceptance."
And I really do recommend reading her blog, which features "Movie Reviews By My Kid" and other very funny stuff.
And then, maybe give a little to help out "Dino" Dan. Just twenty cents a day can save a little kid.
On another note: I've watched about 15 episodes of Dino Dan with Mr Bunches so far-- like I said, hot cop mom -- and that is a scientifically representative sample, so what I am about to say has the cold hard feel of fact. You know what's missing from "Dino" Dan's imagination?
Further proof that they're made up and never existed. Velociraptors are the biggest lie ever foisted on a dinosaur-loving public.