Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Best Songs That Are Impossibly Catchy And Hard To Get Out Of Your Head (4)

It's time to consider again how you, as a reader, know that you should believe me when I say that something is The Best? I mean, sure, the motto of this blog is Our Opinions Are Righter Than Yours, but is that really proof that my opinions are righter than yours?

Yes. Yes, it is.

But I don't, as a blogger, rest on my laurels (whatever those are; I think they're a type of shoe) and I don't rest on a blog's subtitle, either. I also get you to believe -- and agree -- that what I say is The Best really is The Best by the simple force of my logic; the arguments I present here for why something is The Best have the inexorable pull of truth, or at least the inexorable pull of sounding like something that will hold up to at least moderate scrutiny, and aren't those the same thing, nowadays?

Yes. Yes, they are.

But I don't rest on those laurels, either. I like to be hoist by my own petard -- I'm not using that correctly, but since only I know what a petard is, who are you to criticize me? I like to point out to you, my reader, from time to time, that I also say things that turn out, later, to be true.

The latest occurrence of someone doing exactly what I said they'd be doing? Or kind of almost exactly what I said they'd be doing? Corporations are starting to use mini-Death Stars in every day life.

Remember back when I did my five-part investigative series on The Best Worst Villain? (Sure you do: Part Five, with links to the first four installments, is here.) Remember how I said this:
Without crazy villains, we wouldn't have the technology to invent Death Rays (now being used by Wal-Mart against shoplifters)

There are those who said "That's crazy! Wal-Mart isn't using Death Rays against shoplifters." There are those who said "Take that down or you're going to be sued into submission." (Those latter were mostly Wal-Mart's lawyers. There are those who said "Wait, I really don't remember you posting that; I'm new here."

Well, all of you were wrong, kind of. Because corporations are using lasers as death rays -- so far, only against mosquitos. Intellectual Ventures, a corporation backed by Microsoft money, is hard at work using "Star Wars"-like technology to build tiny laser guns to shoot down individual mosquitos, one at a time -- and they envision using it in your back yard.

The implications of this are staggering -- namely for Steve Jobs, who thought he'd beaten Microsoft, only to now learn (via this blog, which I'm sure he reads) that Microsoft has tiny Death Stars, probably circling Jobs' home. And for other corporations, too -- how long before your cable company uses this technology to vaporize people who illegally steal cable? Or the recording industry blasts iPods with illegally-downloaded songs on them?

I'm sorry, world. I'm sorry that I gave people the idea to use Death Rays in every day life and commerce. But I can't put the cat back in Pandora's box, so we're going to have to live with it. The good news is that the Death Rays are being designed by Microsoft, more or less -- so they'll lock up 3 out of 4 times you try to use them, and that gives you a fighting chance.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot: Song 4 in the The Best Songs That Are Impossibly Catchy And Hard To Get Out Of Your Head: Making Love (Out Of Nothing At All), by Air Supply: Now you can hum the chorus all day as you wonder how long it will be before Burger King showers you with death from above for eating at Wendy's:

Other songs on this MiniBest:

Seven Nation Army.

Broadway Show Tunes (nominated by Reader Abbie!)

Poker Face

Click here for a list of all the MiniBests, ever.

Click here for a list of everything I've ever discussed on this blog.

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