Wednesday, March 02, 2011

This is necessary, because there was no recipe for "Toast" in the "Star Wars Cookbook. (Star Wars References.)

If you, like me, have ever looked down at your toast at breakfast and thought "It's okay, I guess, but it's not sufficiently Sith Like," then take a deep breath and be prepared to explain why you just wet your pants a little when you read these three words:


Yep. If you were stumped on how, exactly, you could make your food even more like it came from a galaxy far, far away, you don't need to fret any longer, because now, for just $49.99 (money your mom will probably loan you if you promise to mow the lawn) you can own this:

The actual copy for that item is this:

If there's something every Sith Lord knows how to do it's make a balanced breakfast! While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster!

I can't decide if that's meant to be tongue-in-cheek or serious. For all I know, there's some backstory somewhere in which Vader actually does eat toast with his own image seared in it, and he does that for secret Sith reasons that will be explained in the next three movies, which are prequels to the prequels and will at some point have Jar Jar accidentally inventing midichlorians, because George Lucas has a billion dollars, honestly thinks the world is going to end in 2012, and no longer cares about his fans.

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1 comment:

Rogue Mutt said...

Come on, Vader can't eat anything considering half of him is machine. He probably subsists on baby food like Robocop.