Just back down, Walt. Let's not get crazy here, okay? (The Second Of The Best Foods Shaped Like Other Things!)

It's a MiniBest!

It seems that it would be difficult to get rich selling cheese-flavored Saviors, even on eBay, and I can never take the time to slow down and watch the shapes of the snack foods I'm eating. Since I'm still not willing to gnaw a cornflake until it looks vaguely like a state and then lie about it to get a casino to buy it from me, I've continued looking for ways to get rich off Food Shaped Like Other Things.

My search has revealed that yet again, someone has stolen my ideas from me, and yet again, it's Disney. I won't go into the long history I have of feuding with Walt Disney -- he knows why I'm mad-- but this just added fuel to the fire: Disney is actively creating foods shaped like other things. They're growing Mickey-Mouse-shaped pumpkins and tomatoes.

Disney's doing that at "EPCOT Center," the part of the Disney Empire that nobody ever goes to because it's deemed far too boring -- which is probably Disney's plan, since Epcot Center appears to be some research/breeding ground for a time when Disney is going to stop messing around and just start running the world. Why, I keep asking myself, does a theme park/movie company need to know how to grow vegetables in space, let alone vegetables grown in space that look like other things?

And, even though it's known that they're doing it, why wouldn't they just 'fess up and admit it? If you go to the official Disney site and search for "hydroponics," you get... nothing.

That's pretty suspicious, but here's something worse: if you search Disney's site for "Military Grade Weapons," you will get references to a Disney Learning CDs. Parents, are you actually reviewing what's on those Baby Einstein DVDs?

On a hunch, then, I did a search for "Stealing Kidneys From Guests," and the fourth listing down referred me to Guest Services. I'm calling the authorities.

Unless the authorities are Disney?

Now I'm frightened. But I know better than to mess with Disney, and effective right now, I am canceling my plans to have the kids work with me to create a garden growing radishes shaped like all the Secretaries of Commerce in US History.