It'd be like a John Hughes movie, and I might be the cool guy this time!

I feel like I would be pretty good at school if I were to try it again.

Not at the academic part. Not that at all. Helping Middle and The Boy study for exams this week has shown me that -- I barely understand how to read their textbooks, let alone the information contained in those books.

No, I mean I would be pretty good at the social part, because the extra 22 years of experience I've gained since high school has left me with the ability to do what it takes to succeed in high school. If I went back, this time, I'd be cool and funny and hip and guys would want to hang around with me and girls would actually go on dates with me...

... Oh, who am I kidding? It'd be the same this time around, wouldn't it? Just entering a high school makes me realize that. All I have to do is hear my shoes making that little squeak on the kinds of tiles that only high schools have, and I'm done; I regress back to the same person I was in 1986, only with less hair (which is not all that bad, as less hair prevents unfortunate hair styles.)

If I did go back to school, though, the academic part might be easier because the schools might have better equipment. Back then, school technology was limited to those uncomfortable plastic chairs and whatever secret cooking device burnt the top of the pizza and kept the dough raw. Now, though, with CostCaptain.com, any school can have top-of-the-line educational technology.

CostCaptain.com is an authorized reseller for educators. CostCaptain.com sells Office 2007 and Vista to students and schools -- libraries, research labs, colleges, if it's in education, they sell to it. They can get educators and students Microsoft products at great academic discounts: as low as $99 for Microsoft Office 2007, or as low as $89 for a Vista Upgrade.

And unlike high school students, CostCaptain.com is friendly and available with customer service. All you have to do is prove academic eligibility and you're on your way to great software at at great prices. They even have gift certificates, so if you're shopping for an early graduation present, hit up CostCaptain.com.

"Hit up." That's a modern slang term. See? I might do okay if I went back...