Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Nine Dirtiest Songs of the 90s and Today (Guest Post!)

Today, I welcome a guest post:

Probably NSFW. Depending on where you work.

Fifty to sixty years ago, you would most likely hear songs on the radio that were about love or going out and having a good time. While you could say the same of today, the tone, the overall theme and the language are far different.

Long gone are the days when song were innocent or at the very least covered in a shadowy innuendo.  Instead, artists now offer it up straight in graphic detail, because really who needs mystery when we can just jump to the p*ssy poppin', amiright? But fo realz, I thought it would be fun to come up with a list of the top nine dirtiest songs from the past two decades. 


Prepare to dazzle yourself in the pervy details and to dive straight into the raunch. 

My Neck, My Back (Lick it) --Khia (2002)


This gem highlights the importance of licking one's neck, back, snatch trap and butt crack. Khia wants you to know if you're going to dine, you gotta dine all the way, all the way to that tossed salad, boy.

Smell Yo Dick--Riskay (2007)


This lyrical masterpiece details the sad story of a women scorned by her cheating man. Despite her anger, she manages to teach us a very efficient way to determine whether or not you're being cheated on--just smell their dick!  

Wait (The Whisper Song)--Ying Yang Twins (2005) 

A simple beat, finger snap and whisper transforms this song about va-jay-jay destruction into a song of gold. This song shows that the Ying Yang Twins aren't into having an air of mystery about them. In fact, this song is really just their way of preparing you for that moment when you finally see their dick.  It's very considerate of them. 

Play--David Banner (2005)



David Banner wrote Play with the shear intention of teaching the women the importance of masturbation. He just wants you to play with it, that's all. Grab your toy from Adam and Eve and just beat it up. Then bring your friends, especially that one named Sheryl. 

Pop That P*ssy--2 Live Crew (1991)


The original p*ssy poppers, 2 Live Crew, came up with this poetic tribute to strippers and thus taught the world that the true way to a man's heart is through p*ssy poppin'. However, I think someone forgot to tell 2 Live Crew that strippers never actually like you...

Just Put It In My Mouth--Akinyele (1996)


When it comes to break ups, Akinyele has figured out the true secret to getting over someone. No, it doesn't involve ice cream, chick flicks and crying; it's a little easier than that and requires far less of a caloric intake. My friends, Akinyele simply prescribes one (or several) beej sessions with your ex's best friend. It's like wanting prime rib and getting a NY strip instead--different but just as good. Blow those tears away, girlfriend. 


How Many Licks--Lil' Kim (1999)


How Many Licks is Lil' Kim's answer to Afro Man's Colt 45. She unleashes her rolodex of slain sausage and then begs the listener to wonder, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of..." Of what though? We'll never know, as she never explains nor offers the answer. The constant tease, Kim leaves us wanting more. 

Oh Na Na Naa Naa--Lil' Jon & Eastside Boyz



Lil' Jon has one of his groupies tell a sad tale of excessive masturbation in this piece. She just wants Lil' Jon to help her out, but at the same time she can't stop because the thought of Lil' Jon is so incredibly arousing.  Also, Lil' Jon used this song to prove that  women don't fake it with him, despite the fact that 80% of women have faked an orgasm. 


Slob On My Knob--Three 6 Mafia (1999)



This dissertation in knob slobbin' comes to us in a beautiful triplet rhyming scheme. In 60 lines, Three 6 Mafia teaches us about mouth blasting, the importance of douching "dushing" and how to properly have safe sex on the counter. Thanks to the wide range of topics, schools have consider replacing Sex Ed with this informative work of art. 






4 comments:

PT Dilloway, Grumpy Bulldog said...

Dang and I never listened to any of those.

Andrew Leon said...

I've never heard of a single one of those...

Who was the guest post by?

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