Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Best Ideas I've Ever Had For Stuff (Also, All The Ideas I've Ever Had For Stuff)(UPDATE!)

The explanation for how this came about is down below...

Over on Thinking The Lions today, I came up with my latest bajillionaire idea, so I thought it would be good to update this list.

New Ideas:

6. Scream 5: Everybody's The Killer:
What's better than my idea about a murder in which the person investigating the murder is the murderer but doesn't know it and didn't do it while suffering from amnesia or under the influence of drugs? Well, nothing, really, but this comes close: In Scream 5, as I plotted it out, every single person in the movie is a murderer. It begins with a kid deciding to commit a murder to copycat the Scream murders. When his friend finds out he did it, he kills the murderer in a copycat murder, only to then set off a string of further murders in which all of the people murder other people, until, at the end, all the main characters are standing in a room ready for the big reveal, and they all realize that they're all the killers, and Neve Campbell (who finally gets to kill someone) says "So we're all the killers?" and they all nod, and then each of them drops their weapons and slowly walks away, separately, and the movie ends.




And you know it.

(Not previously mentioned, except to Sweetie after we watched Scream 4.)

5. Happy Ninja Clams:
I didn't flesh this out, but I'm imagining that it would be something like these clams, and they're ninjas, and they're also happy. And they fight... things. Now that I think about it, they're not so different than Ninja Turtles, though, are they? Back to the drawing board with this one. (First mentioned here.)

4. Shattered Earths
(Book series?)(First seen here) Who wants to live on a shattered planet, made up of little fragments of Earth blown apart but still orbiting more or less synchronously, with each fragment developing its own culture and weapons and identities, until one day, a hero rises to try to unite the various pieces into one planet... plus, at least one of the fragments has dinosaurs, because why not?

5. Lady Etc (celebrity impersonator)(First seen here) Would be a great name for a Lady GaGa cover artist.

Whew! I'm full of awesome ideas today, like that one, and like this idea I just had: "

6. The origin of the curveball (Miscellaneous)(First seen here) ...In a tiny unheated room of his parent's cottage in 1872, a young Alexander Graham Bell huddled over a fire built with a mixture of myrrh and polonium dust, communicating with the ghost of Lord Alfred Tennyson. Bell had been chosen as the pitcher in the Firste Annuale Worlde SeriesE starting the next day, but his arm was possessed by demons, according to a doctor who had considered diagnosing him with "muscle spasms" but had rejected that because this is 1872 and "muscles" haven't been discovered yet...

****The Explanation For How This Came About,****
And Previously-Listed Ideas!

While writing the explanation for why I posted a picture of Mariska Hargitay alongside my original poem "The Secret Identities Of Colors", I came up with the idea for Law & Order: Super Heroes, which would, of course, be a Law & Order type show but would feature superheroes in it so that instead of Sam Waterston blatantly violating someone's rights in court, we'd get Matt Murdock, and Lenny and Big wouldn't be questioning people, it'd be, say, The Thing and Red Tornado.

It's genius, of course, as all my ideas are, and I then began to realize that holy crap, I post a lot of things that I say ought to be written or someday I'm going to write or that I just sort of think up and then never go back to again, and so then I thought: I should have a list of all of those things because...

...well, that's as far as I thought. But from here on out, when I come up with those crazy ideas, I'm going to post them on this ongoing list and link to where you can find them.

And, for good measure -- I'll share. See an idea you like? Email me and I'll think about giving it to you.

1. Callsign Vampire: (TV Show.) young Australian guy (played by whoever girls think is really hot in a nonthreatening kind of way) runs away from his family after a fight with his dad -- the dad being continuously harsh on the boy as he grows up, repeatedly saying things like "You'll never be the man I was." To prove his dad wrong, the guy lies about his age and enlists in the Army, finding himself part of a shadowy brigade that goes by the insignia Callsign Vampire. Led by a sexy slightly older woman sergeant (played by someone who will at least get guys to talk about this show), this unit turns out to be made up of actual vampires; Sergeant Sexy repeatedly tries to seduce Young Guy into becoming a vampire too, but she can't force him to do so -- she has to have his consent. (First proposed here.)

2. The Day the River Jumped Back: In The Year The River Jumped Back, the author recounts a year he spent in the antebellum confines of a small southern town ravaged by poverty and the loss of industry. Tasked by an unknown mentor to write a best seller book, and given the means to do that, the writer sets out to try to live up to the dying directives his "uncle" gave him, but in doing so, ends up recreating an experience that hearkens back to and recreates Leopold Bloom's day in James Joyce's Ulysses, a day that, in Pagel's hands, and minds, stretches beyond the confines of 24 hours to overshadow his entire year spent on the banks of a river that was no longer there... until it came back. Features an actual harmonica sold with the book. (Novel)(First proposed here.)

3. Instant Memoirs: (memoir): Need an idea to write a pseudo-memoir about something and get a movie made? Try these:

Writing to Ace: My letters to Ace Frehley, and the songs I wrote about the lack of response.

Bare Foot, Bare Soul: The year I decided to go shoeless.

I-Haul: One Man's Attempt To Live In A Rental Van For An Entire Year.

"99% Perspiration: The Year I Spent Trying To Think Of Things To Do For A Year."

(First proposed here.)


Grumpy Bulldog said...

Your numbering is a little out of whack there.

Stephen Hayes said...

I think I've mentioned this before but you might want to think twice about handing out your great ideas. These days the concept is often worth more than the final product. You should be pitching some of these ideas to Hollywood as "treatments."