Saturday, May 31, 2014

Higgs Boson’s adventures in space: Episode 37 (250=1)

Higgs Boson’s adventures in space: Episode 37:

With a single tentacle-slap, Zith-Gar had managed to disarm Higgs.

The situation looked bleak.

“The situation looks bleak,” Higgs said to Zith-Gar, “But I’m not worried.”

“How can you NOT worry, Higgs?” asked Zith-Gar incredulously. “You are unarmed. I have three of my feet on your throat.  Your precious Earth 2.0 is already 50% disintegrated! And you and I know, Higgs, that there is no coming back from that level of disintegration.”

“You’re going to stop all this, and release me,” Higgs said.

“I… never!  Why would I ever do that?!” demanded Zith-Gar.

“Because,” Higgs said, “You’ll never kill your son-in-law.”

Zith-Gar looked down, all three of his eyes goggling. Both mouths gaped in awe.

“You DIDN’T!” it said.

“Look at my hand,” Higgs said. “No, the other one.  You’ll see the wedding ring right there.”

“But, I thought… we’re not even the same species… and anyway, our mating rituals,” Zith-Gar muttered, warily looking down with his focusing eye at Higgs’ left hand. “It would kill you…”

There was no ring.

Zith-Gar straightened back up and saw that he was staring at the business end of a ray gun pointed directly at his central life organs.  It looked powerful enough to pierce his pneumothorax.

“How…” it said.

“Simple,” Higgs said. “I’m Higgs Boson.” And he blasted Zith-Gar into trillions of pieces which somehow missed hitting him and left his uniform spotless.  “And you never had a daughter,” he told the remnants of Zith-Gar.


It was in the 1950s that Richard Nixon said "you won't have any stories that are exactly 250 words long counting the title to kick around anymore," but he was wrong.  WAY wrong, because 250=1 stories are JUST THAT.  So there, 1950s Richard... hey, what's that strange glow? How are you teleporting in here, 1950s Richard Nixon? Why are there so many of you? AIEEEEE!!!!! HELP ME...


Liz A. said...

I'm confused. Not sure if it's the story or if I just need a nap...

Andrew Leon said...

That's an amused "heh."