It is a little-known fact about me that I am desperate to get into The New Yorker, and lately my best shot seems to be to caption a cartoon of theirs, which I try to do each week, giving myself 10 minutes to come up with a caption because nobody's funny after 10 minutes. Here is my latest attempt, beginning with when I first look at the cartoon... 10 minutes on the clock.
Go to the cartoon.
Go to my iTunes and put on the upbeat playlist. First song: A Child's Introduction To The Drums.
What is this... Roman Centurion. Horses. Woman. Parking.
Go get coffee.
9:11 on the clock.
Something about hybrids. Hybrids are big with people who read The New Yorker. That's not exactly true, because I read it and I don't have a hybrid. Hmmm... "They were out of Priuses at the dealer?" No.
I said no, brain.
8:26 on the clock.
He's maybe asking her on a date. "How about we take mine?" Maybe. Run with that. "Mine gets better mileage?" No, the first one was better.
He's pointing her towards the horses. She looks awkward. How about "Excuse me, I think that one's yours?"
I like that.
Really mixes it up.
6:59 on the clock.
"Excuse me, I think that one's yours." Should I go with that? Will people get it? Keep it in mind. Let's go look at it again. Check out the background. Think about who these people are, really get into the heads of a Roman Centurion out on a date in New York-- -it's got to be New York, right? -- on a Friday night in 2012.
How about "No, that one's mine, over there?"
Even better -- the lady didn't realize that the Centurion she's on a date with would use the chariot, and thought he'd use the sports car!
5:38 on the clock. Let's go with that.
Oh, man, I went to enter it and thought "That's exactly what everyone else will enter. It's so OBVIOUS."
It is kind of obvious, isn't it?
4:09 on the clock.
Common People comes on the playlist. What would William Shatner do?
"Excuse me, can you watch my horses?"
NO. That's not funny! That's nothing. Oh, man. 3:26 left.
"Well, you said interesting swaps?" Too much of a rip-off of Seinfeld.
"I thought it was a formal event"?
I kind of like that one.
Because it doesn't make any sense.
"I thought you said this was a formal event?"
Entering it now.
1:12 on the clock, Convoy on the playlist.