Tuesday, October 02, 2012

The 20 Best Pop Culture Workouts, 2:

I really actually think this might be the next workout craze, so I'd better slap "TM" and "Copyright 2012" and "I'm a lawyer and possibly the most litigious person you've ever dreamed of meeting" all over this now so that I can secure my future royalties by creating spinoff after spinoff of THE POP CULTURE WORKOUT(TM)(C:2012)(Ialaptmlpyedof) which I will now make even more popular by presenting Workout Number Two:  Cat Head Walking.

Or, this:






That's from the book One fish two fish red fish blue fish, by Ernest Hemingway.  (He ghost-wrote it for Dr. Seuss, is what I heard.).  That book, which I read with Mr Bunches twice on Sunday because he's super-into Dr. Seuss right now, is sort of an exercise manual all on its own.  There are the yellow running people who like to run... for fun in the hot, hot sun, the kids who ride a bike with their Mike sitting up in the back ("Mike does all the work when the hills get high") and Gox Boxing:




Which is properly done in yellow Gox box socks.

Here's something I've started to think about Dr. Seuss and I'm not trying to be ironical or hipster in saying this because I know the big Internet thing is to make a lot of fun over innocent things like comic strips or Back To The Future novelizations, because things that were cool when we were a kid like Choose Your Own Adventures books now seem hopelessly lame, and all, but this is not that.  This is for real:

Dr. Seuss books are kind of creepy.

Here is an example.  The example is Clark:



That is a weird-looking monster that's already pretty big but who is going to grow and grow and I'm kind of thinking that's a mixed message there.  The kids seem... seem happy with Clark, but they admit that Mom may not be so crazy about this animal that while it seems to live in the water can clearly breathe air and is going to grow and grow and Clark himself seems pretty malevolent looking.

One fish etc is filled with things like that, from the 11-fingered man who is held up as a role model to the guy who can magically conjure up fish, on a plate, every time, but who for some reason doesn't share with the Nook, who is doomed to wander the world, a cookbook hanging in front of his head on a hook... but he can't read.

THAT is worthy of a Greek tragedy, isn't it?  And then the God cast down Nook, and bade him eat only what he might learn to cook from the tome he had stolen from them.  The Book Of The Gods' Cooking hung in front of Nook, wherever he went, tormenting him with visions of foods he desired, but never could he learn to read the recipes and so his hunger went unsated.

I mean, that's not what Dr. Seuss says but that's what I got.

Also: Cat Head Walking seems impractical, but if I opened a gym that promised it as a workout I bet I would make about a zillion dollars.

Also-er: Maybe I should start a website making fun of Choose Your Own Adventure books? Maybe.  I mean, even with the zillions I'll make from Cat Head Workout Gym and THE POP CULTURE WORKOUT(TM)(C:2012)(Ialaptmlpyedof), why should I miss out on that sweet ironic hipster money?



Previously:

1.  Yoda Jogging.

108 comments:

PT Dilloway, Superhero Author said...

Those do sound creepy. Makes me wonder if Dr. Seuss was the inspiration for the children's book author in John Irving's "A Widow for One Year" whose children's books are all really creepy.

Andrew Leon said...

Aw, man, now I'm going to have to go dig out all the Dr Seuss books... >sigh<
I thought The Cat in the Hat was bad enough.

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Dr. Seuss books are quite creepy.

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