Here's who you all really want to see on your team, if you're being honest. (The 5 Best Looking NFL Players, According To Other People)

So Peyton Manning's going to suck the life out of the Denver Broncos, while Tim Tebow will now make Mark Sanchez nervous on two fronts -- reminding him that there's a backup QB to take over when Sanchez's 2012 season again lives up to his rank as the 31st worst quarterback in the NFL, and reminding Sanchez that it's not cool to date 17 year olds.

And that's NFL Free Agency for you these days. Don't worry; this isn't a post about sports, per se, as I am not very knowledgeable about sports and not sure what per se means. (I think it's a mixed drink.) This is a post where I give something to those people who are tired of seeing pictures of January Jones in lingerie on this blog. So to you people, I give you The 5 NFL Players Deemed The Best Looking By Other People:

Matt Ryan: Voted Best Looking for his "Symmetrical Face" on ajc.com.

Will Demps: Voted just above Tom Brady as a "Body Bonus!!! Sexy Man Beast" by NFL Injury.
(Exclamation points in the original.)

Don't worry, Tom...


... you still get in here, as number one on "The Richest". Why? I'll quote it verbatim:

"Tom Brady may be the best looking player NFL player on most lists. Why? Brady has a dating resume that includes actress Bridget Moynahan and model Gisele Bundchen."

Yes, that does make him very good looking.

Then there's




Troy Polamalu: in January, 2011, Bleacher Report voted him #1 hottest and said "Troy Polamalu's hair is insured for $1 million by Head and Shoulders. Need I say more?"

Maybe. I'm not sure what criteria you are all using for this hotness, here. Expensive hair and supermodel dates are, I think, indirect proof of hotness at best.

And the last one -- these are in no particular order -- comes from Cosmopolitan:




That's Colin Allred, of the Tennessee Titans, and Cosmo said they picked him because "The 27-year old is originally from Texas, where everything’s bigger. We’re talking about his biceps..."

By the way, the picture at the top of the post is Eliza Kruger; she's the 17-year-old Mark Sanchez dated for a while.

I like my hot women with a side of uncomfortable questions. (Eye Candy)

Analeigh Tipton plays the (high-school-aged) babysitter in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love,




a role that raises this (slightly) uncomfortable question: If someone is in real life over 18, but in the movie where you see her is supposed to be under 18, is it okay to think they're hot?

Who cares what they look like on the red carpet? (Eye Candy)

Here's what this year's Emmy winners look like when they're really trying to impress you:

Kate Winslet: (Mildred Pierce, a/k/a, "Olden Times Are Sexy!")






Ty Burrell, ("Modern Family," a/k/a "The Model For Every Show You'll See On TV Next Year.")



Kyle Chandler: ("Friday Night Lights" a/k/a "It's not on any more, and you didn't watch it when it was, so quit pretending..."):





Julie Bowen, ("Modern Family." a/k/a "You Already Know This One, I Said It Up Above.")




Julianna Margulies, ("The Good Wife" a/k/a "If We Make It Kind Of About Eliot Spitzer, They Won't Notice It's Just The Practice Crossed With Ally McBeal.")




Barry Pepper, ("The Kennedys," a/k/a "What 'The Clintons' Miniseries Will Be Modeled After In 2032.")



Jim Parsons: ("The Big Bang Theory". I'm not going to make fun of it because I watch this show):





Peter Dinklage, ("Game Of Thrones," a/k/a "The Gritty Reboot of Lord Of The Rings")



Maggie Smith, ("Downtown Abbey." [I don't know this one. She's Harry Potter's professor... back in the day.)





Guy Pearce, ("Mildred Pearce," a/k/a, "Did you know people didn't bathe regularly back then? Put's a different spin on those sex scenes, doesn't it?")

It's best not to think about what happened to them while you look at the pictures. (Eye Candy)

Sweetie and I saw Final Destination 5, and despite its inaccurate name, it had two things going for it:

1. Lots of people died.

2. There's a pivotal scene in the movie that makes clear that a great deal of this death and destruction takes place on the actual day Sweetie and I got married -- May 13, 2000, which seemed weirdly symbolic as Sweetie is the one in our relationship who loves these movies.

Anyway, I thought today's Eye Candy should therefore be:

The Girls Of Final Destinations!

For a bonus quiz, try to figure out how each died -- answers at the end.

Kristen Cloke:

Christine Chatelaine:

Sarah Carter:

Keegan Connor Tracy:

Alexz Johnson:

Gina Holden:

Krista Allen:

Shantel Van Santen:

Ellen Wroe:

Jacqueline MacInnes Wood:

How'd they die?

Kristen Cloke: Monitor shards in throat, knife falls in chest then chair impales through it, after all of which she's finally killed in an explosion.

Christine Chatelaine: Died on the Flight 180 plane crash.
Sarah Carter: Run over by an 18-wheeler.

Keegan Connor Tracy: Hit with an airbag and then impaled through the back of the head with a pipe.

Alexz Johnson: Shot repeatedly by a nail gun in the back of the head.

Gina Holden: Roller coaster derailment.

Krista Allen: Flying rock through the eye.

Shantel Van Santen: hit by 18-wheeler.

Ellen Wroe: Folded in half, popping out her spine, after another gymnast stepped on a screw and fell into the gymnast's chalk, which spilled in front of a fan and blew into Ellen's eyes while she was on the parallel bars, causing her to fly off awkwardly.

Jacqueline MacInnes Wood: Lasik-laser overheated, burning into her eyes and causing her to pop the eye-button off a teddy bear, so that once she got free of the head-vise she stumbled on the stuffed-animal eye and fell out the window onto a car below, popping her eye the rest of the way out -- and the eyeball was then run over, which seemed unnecessary to me.

"I'm in love with a superhero..." (Eye Candy)

I wondered this morning, in between pondering what secrets the Chilean miners might have left to tell, what advice columns might look like in a world that had superheroes, and this is as far as I got:

Dear Advice Columnist,

I am in love with a superhero, but can't stand his mild alter-ego. What can I do?

Signed,

Definitely not Lois Lane.

That has nothing, really, to do with this Eye Candy post, which is

The Best Hottest Obscure Superheroines You've Probably Never Heard Of.

Speedy 2:

Anna Mercury:

Alisha:

Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld:

Gertrude:

Note: I have to break in here to note that Gertrude is supposed to be contrary to ordinary superhero stereotypes and thus is described as "bespectacled" and "somewhat overweight."

As to the glasses, this:



As to the somewhat overweight, she's supposed to be 5'1", 125 pounds. I'm no doctor (I don't even play on on TV) but that doesn't seem overweight to me.

Thor Girl:

Kos-Mos

Bumblebee

Atom Eve:

Also, in looking for that video from Not Another Teen Movie, I came across this:





I just felt that needed to be posted somewhere.

The Best Actresses Who've Played "Sex-Crazed." (Eye Candy)

What's this? Click here for an explanation.

See if you can name the person/role. Answers at the end:










In order:

Britney Spears, sex-crazed receptionist on How I Met Your Mother.

Sofia Black D'elia, sex-crazed lesbian on Skins.

Jennifer Aniston, sex-crazed boss in Horrible Bosses.

Kim Cattrall, sex-crazed old woman on Sex & The City

Denise Richards, sex-crazed cop on Blue Mountain State.

Miley Cyrus: Sex-crazed teen in LOL: Laughing Out Loud (not yet released)

Halle Berry, sex-crazed stripper in Frankie & Alice.