HAN SHOT FIRST... but Time-Traveling Elvis Shot Second... (My Own Blogfest Entry)

Over on Thinking The Lions, I've been writing a series of stories I call 250=1, stories that are exactly 250 words, including the title. 

And over here on The Best Of Everything I have been knocking myself silly with the 103-or-so-Day, 100-question Star Wars Blogathon and also this A To Z Challenge thing that honestly I'm not even sure what letter we're on.


And ordinarily I post on this blog about pop culture and what I think of it.  But for today, since I have been running the Triweekly Star Wars Blogfest Writers' Challenge as well -- winner gets $10! (yours is coming, Sandra) and since the current challenge ends next week, on the 29th, I thought I'd enter mine.  The challenge is, for those who haven't been following, to write a blog post of any sort -- picture, video, essay, quiz, jokey list, etc. on the topic Han Shot First, But Time-Traveling Elvis Shot Second.


If you want to enter, post your entry on your blog between now and next Sunday.  You get 100 points in the Blogathon for entering (and it's still possible to win the Blogathon, official rules are here.) And the best entry gets a $10 gift card to Amazon.


OKAY. Here's my entry:

Han Shot First. No, He Didn't. Yes, He Did. Wait...

The judge glared at the witness.

"Please answer the question," he said, frowning.

"I'm not thure I can," the witness said around walrus-like teeth.

At the defendant's table, the man in the sequined white jumpsuit leaned over to his lawyer, whispered something, and flickerered briefly.

"Is there a problem?" the judge asked Time-Traveling Elvis' lawyer.

"No problem, your honor," the lawyer answered.

 "I remember now! Han thot firtht!" the witness said.

Elvis sipped his water and looked thoughtful as the witness went on:  "That's why I... wait... maybe he didn't."

The lawyer and his client leaned forward and narrowed their eyes, almost simultaneously.  Elvis' lawyer looked at the prosecutor.

"Did you know," the prosecutor said, conversationally, "That traveling at lightspeed... or hyperspace... is almost exactly like time-travel?"

Elvis frowned.

On the witness stand, Walrus Tooth said "No, it wath Elvith! He jutht walked in and thot that green guy in cold blood."

The judge was watching Elvis and later would swear to investigators that the defendant had not even moved, except that suddenly Elvis was slimmer than he had seemed at the start of the trial.

Now the prosecutor grimaced.

On the witness stand, Walrus Tooth said "I'm not \thure why I'm here. I wath on vacation on Caprica at the time."

"This is ridiculous! We all know what's happening here!" yelled the prosecutor, banging his fist on the table.

"Do we?" asked Elvis' lawyer.

Elvis winked at Walrus Man.

It would be hard to work Wookies into this. (BLOGFEST UPDATE!)

Author Sandra Ulbrich Almazan -- who wrote the sci-fi novel Lyon's Legacy  --  has applied her talents to haiku, entering the Biweekly Blogfest Challenge with this lovely offering:

They got Padme wrong;
Mothers endure all for kids
And live past heartbreak.

 Sandra gets 100 points, and Lyon's Legacy is now a prize offering.

Plus, you should read her blog; she's very smart, unlike certain people who just blather on about science and never really make any sense... hey, is that a mirror I'm looking at? Darn it!

Get those entries in by April 8.

Previous entrants:

Lara Schiffbauer.

Official rules of the current biweekly haiku challenge here.

Official Rules of the 100-day, 100-question Star Wars Blogathon here.

The NEW Biweekly Blogfest Challenge!

The last Biweekly Blogfest Challenge was such a success that I'm doing it again.

That's not the ONLY reason, of course. I'm also doing it again because that was the plan all along.

Anyhoo, here's THE NEW BIWEEKLY STAR WARS BLOGATHON BLOGFEST CHALLENGE THINGY!

For 100 points, plus a prize, plus a chance to have your book become a Weekly Bonus Prize...

Write a Star Wars themed haiku.

That's it.

Told you it'd be simple.

Here's mine, before Rusty takes the idea:

A one armed man's sole
Regret in life was that he
Didn't let Chewie win.

Enter by April 8 -- leave a comment here telling me where your entry is. Winner will be chosen by ME. Bonus points for mentioning Wookies.

And the winner of the First Biweekly Star Wars Blogfest Challenge is...

Before I get to the winner, I need to list the last entrant in this round. That person was Cindy Borgne, author of Vallar, a sci-fi book that sends 16-year-old Ian Connors and his psychic abilities into battle to save the girl of his dreams... who happens to be on the enemy's side.

Sounds exciting, and I've heard good things about it. Judging by Cindy's entry in the Fan Fiction Fan Fiction Blogfest, she's got lots of talent. Vallar is on my reading list, and you should be reading it now. Click here to read Cindy's blogfest entry, which takes a peek inside Obi Wan's mind.

All of the entrants were, again,

Michael Offutt


Elin Gregory.

"Sam" Leon (and Andrew Leon)

Lara Schiffbauer.

Susan Roebuck.

The Golden Eagle.

P.T. Dilloway (a/k/a "Grumpy Bulldog")

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."

And, with that, this Biweekly Challenge is closed, and the winner of the first challenge is...









(I left all this space to build up suspense)





(is it working?)








(how 'bout now?)

"Sam" Leon.

Sam's entry won not just because of the fact that the talent he displayed was well beyond how old he actually is, but because he managed to have two levels of Fan Fiction Fan Fiction -- writing his fan fiction about characters someone else created using characters someone else created.

Also, I think that trench scene is among the best of any scene ever in a movie.

Sam doesn't have a book that he can have used as a weekly prize, and I've decided that everyone who entered will at some point have their book used as a weekly prize, so Sam gets a $10 Amazon Gift Card, which I hope he'll use to buy the authentic Clone Wars Glow In The Dark Decals that he can use to finally decorate that Imagination Room... unless that kills the magic.

Andrew: I assume if I send it to you, Sam will get it?

Thanks to everyone who entered, and each of the authors who entered will see their books becoming one of the weekly prizes. Tomorrow, I will announce the next Biweekly Blogfest Challenge. It's much easier, and, of course, rules mean nothing to me! (BWAHAHAHHAHAA!)

That works better when Grumpy does it.

I had to look it up to see if it was true! Now THAT is the mark of a good author.

As always, all puns are intended on this blog. Today's entry into the Fan Fiction Fan Fiction Blogfest -- deadline tomorrow for this biweekly challenge and check back to see who won AND what the new challenge is -- is Michael Offutt's entry, featuring characters from what by all accounts is his fantastic book, Slipstream. I'm calling his entry "Jocks Can't Act," and you can read it here. It includes an amazing, and apparently true, thing about Luke Skywalker.

Michael's book, Slipstream, will be released by Double Dragon publishing in May, 2012. That picture off to the right is an excerpt in which his main character is interviewed.

You can like the book on Goodreads and if you do, Michael Offutt will personally come to your house and massage your shoulders for 10 minutes.*

*Offer not valid in Guam.

When Slipstream comes out, I am going to camp overnight outside the store where I will buy it. That may not sound like much of a hardship, as I'll probably get it on my Kindle, but to make it more exciting I plan on having my Kindle shipped to Antarctica, first. I just have to get in line in front of those penguins. There's no cover for the book so I have taken the liberty of coming up with a design of my own that I think perfectly encapsulates what I imagine Slipstream will be:




That is a laser gun Peter Dinklage is holding. I believe he's getting ready to fight a Rancor.

Now, go to Goodreads, and like Michael's book, and check back tomorrow for the winner of the FIRST biweekly challenge. (Plus, there'll be a new one. You're not off the hook yet, people.)

Click here to go directly to Slipstream's page on Goodreads.

Click here if you'd like to still enter the Blogfest and want to know how. You've got 24 hours! Just let me know in the comments that you did.

And the other authors who have already done

Elin Gregory.

"Sam" Leon (and Andrew Leon)

Lara Schiffbauer.

Susan Roebuck.

The Golden Eagle.

P.T. Dilloway (a/k/a "Grumpy Bulldog")

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."

Did I mention that by entering a blogfest, your book will become a prize in this Blogathon at some point? Because it will. I don't care what the people in Guam think about that.

Writers! Blogfests! Fan fiction! An abundance of exclamation points!!!!!!!!

Another writer has taken up the challenge of the current Biweekly Blogfest Challenge; entries are open until 3/25, details are here.

Today's writer/entrant is Elin Gregory, whose blog makes you agree that you're an adult before you can read it. I lied and said I was. Her Fan Fiction Fan Fiction manages to mention Ewoks and set up a down-and-dirty scene between Obi Wan and Han as they... anyway, now I'm blushing. Read it here.

Elin has three books on her site -- the latest published March 2, 2012, so I'll highlight that one: Alike As Two Bees , described as "a gay romance novella set in Ancient Greece," and telling the story of Philon, an apprentice sculptor who falls for Hilarion -- the free-living tribesman from the North.

Want your book highlighted? Want to get 105 points in the Star Wars Blogathon? Enter the Blogfest by Sunday, 3/25 and all those things will happen to you!

Or are you too busy wondering what other naughty stuff is on Elin's blog? Yeah, me, too.

Here's other authors who've already done this:

"Sam" Leon (and Andrew Leon)

Lara Schiffbauer.

Susan Roebuck.

The Golden Eagle.

P.T. Dilloway (a/k/a "Grumpy Bulldog")

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."

.(PSST! Michael Offutt! Yours is coming! You were the last one to tell me you posted!)

Hey, look who else entered the Biweekly Blogfest Writing Challenge!

In between posts of NFL players with very few clothes and Star Wars Blogathon trivia questions, I'm also running the Star Wars Blogfest; the current challenge is "Fan Fiction Fan Fiction," and ends on 3/25, and between now and then you have to post a 250-word or less entry in which a character of yours writes a Star Wars fan fiction.

And the latest phenomenal writer to take up the Lightsaber of Writing Challenges after placing the Blast Helmet Of Creativity over his eyes so that he can use the Force to create the Tiny Laser Shooting Orb of Stories...

... man, that metaphor did not work, and I apologize for it...

anyway, the latest entrant is "Sam" Leon, the son of Reader of the Month/Current Blogathon Leader Andrew Leon. Sam wrote his Fan Fiction Fan Fiction using characters from Andrew's great book The House On The Corner (my review of that book here), and I have to say, it's awesome. It's called "Into the Trench." Read it here.

"Sam" gets 100 points, and earns 100 points for Andrew as well, in the Star Wars Blogathon, and Andrew gets 5 points for mentioning it on his blog, too. And they're all eligible for the prize; the winner will be announced Sunday, 3/25.

If you've posted your Blogfest entry and haven't seen it mentioned here yet, let me know. Michael Offutt and Elin Gregory, I'm getting to yours.

Other great authors who have posted in the Blogfest:

Lara Schiffbauer.

Susan Roebuck.

The Golden Eagle.

P.T. Dilloway (a/k/a "Grumpy Bulldog")

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."

3 authors just sold a copy of their book, and a reader got FOUR FREE BOOKS. Also, BLOGFEST!

And I know it's the chance to write stuff that excites the author in you every bit as much as the chance to sell stuff. Ah, purity of artistic purpose! I wonder what that's like? (I had crass commercialism forcibly grafted onto my DNA.)

The latest blogfest entry I've been alerted about is from Susan Roebuck. Susan, in a move that I wholeheartedly respect, completely ignored the rules of the Blogfest. As someone who wrote a 53-page entry on Heather Arundel's 250-word or less blogfest, this is a contestant I can relate to. Susan's entry seems to clock in about 250 words, but doesn't have her character writing fanfic so much as reading it. Fine with me. Rules are for suckers. And societies, but forget about them.

Read Susan's entry here.

Susan gets 100 points and will be considered as a finalist for the first blogfest, which ends March 25. (Details here.)

Susan, by the way, is the author of at least two books, Perfect Score and the upcoming Hewhay Hall. Perfect Score has an impressive 4-star rating on Goodreads (with 68 votes) and has gotten 10 5-star reviews on Amazon.

Other authors who've already done this:

The Golden Eagle.

P.T. Dilloway (a/k/a "Grumpy Bulldog")

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."


And the reader who got four free books was, again, Lara Schiffbauer, who got



The Scariest Things, You CAN'T Imagine (by me)







The Carnival Papers, by Patrick Dilloway











The House On The Corner, by Andrew Leon











A Dead God's Wrath, by Rusty Webb.












I bought a copy of each of those books for Lara. So by now, you authors should see the benefit of taking part in this Blogathon/Blogfest, both by commenting a lot and entering the blogfest. But I'll spell it out:

Comment a lot, and enter the blogfest, and I will make your book a weekly prize. You'll get lots of mentions and at least one sale out of it!

Another excellent entry into the Star Wars Blogfest!

Between now and March 25, the first of the Star Wars Biweekly Writing Challenges is going on. Your entry gets you 100 points in the Star Wars Blogathon, but so much more than that, too, including:

Your own post here on TBOE (with 1,000(s?) of viewers per day!) and

If your story is the best of the round, your book will become one of the Weekly Prizes given out every Sunday here at TBOE for the Blogathon. (And, every comment each week is an entry in the weekly drawing, so you can win prizes every Sunday even if you don't get the question right.)

I'll probably also throw in some other junk while I'm at it. I'm in a giving mood these days.

Anyway, the latest entry I've been made aware of is from The Golden Eagle, who blogs at The Eagle's Aerial Perspective. This award-winning blogger wrote an entry I decided to call Googling Chewbacca. Read it here.

Other authors who've already done this:

P.T. Dilloway (a/k/a "Grumpy Bulldog")

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."


If you've posted your entry, let me know in a comment here!

Another Excellent Blogfest Entry! (Star Wars Biweekly Blogfest Challenge)

I'm trying to keep up with all the people who said they'd enter. If you know of someone who has posted a Star Wars Biweekly Blogfest Writing Challenge, let me know or better yet, have that person leave a comment here so I can go check it out, link to it, and give them their points and have them entered.

(Details of this blogfest are HERE. You have until 3/25 to post this biweekly entry, and then there'll be another one.)

The newest entry is from Grumpy Bulldog, a/k/a author P. T. Dilloway, who's hard at work on his superhero series but who took the time to provide a story of his character Frost, from his John Irving-esque masterpiece, Where You Belong, writing fan fiction. Grumpy's piece really captures why people write fan fiction. Read it here.

And if you haven't bought Where You Belong, I highly suggest you spend your Saturday doing that. Well, and reading it. Why would you just buy a book and not read it? So go spend your day buying and reading Where You Belong. Find it and all Dilloway's books on his author page here.

Hey, writers! Are you starting to see why you'd want to enter this blogfest? I got 1,089 pageviews on this blog yesterday. You write 250 words about one of your characters writing some Star Wars fan fiction, I post it here, and 1,089 people learn about your book.

Other smart authors who did this:

Rusty Webb, author of "A Dead God's Wrath."

UPDATE ON The Whatever It's Called Blogathon Blogfest Thing Where You Write.

I'll be honest. I'm exhausted. It's been a long week filled with people shoving stuff down my nose. So I cannot remember what I called the Blogfest where you're writing stuff on a biweekly basis. The details are here which is why links exist, to save me the time of thinking for myself.

Anyway, this update is to note that the first of said fanfics are up: Rusty Webb, who blogs at The Blutonian Death Egg, has posted his.

Rusty gets 100 points just for posting, and he's in the running for the prize on March 25. Go read his awesome story by clicking here.

And while you're at it, buy his book "A Dead God's Wrath." It's one of the best books I read in 2011 and I guarantee that you will not regret buying (and reading) it.*

*Guarantee not enforceable in Guam, for personal reasons. They know what they did.