I'm really busy, for no apparent reason whatsoever. Lots of work just piled up on my desk over the weekend, and so I'm going to make this fast today. Besides, if you want some EXTRA XMAS, why not check out
"Santa, Godzilla and Jesus Walk Into A Bar", a/k/a The Greatest Xmas Story Ever Told over on Thinking The Lions? It's not being overbilled at all: Follow Nick as he picks up a trumpet from the gutter, only to have a dead man drop down from the sky, forcing Nick into the lair of Wenceslas, who has invented XMAS!... part one of the ongoing serialized story is here.
Song 19: Another Rock & Roll Christmas, Gary Glitter:
Are we supposed to like Gary Glitter, or not? I'm so morally confused by celebrities and sports stars and charities and politicians who do bad stuff. Recently, I cancelled my bell-ringing shift at the Salvation Army because they don't support gay rights, only to find out that they do support gay rights. More on that later. Who'd have thought moral questions wouldn't be easy? Anyway, if you like the song, just pretend it's by Billy Vera & The Beaters.
The Santa, etc., to go along with Song 19: Cousin Eddie,* National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: Who could forget Cousin Eddie when it comes to Santa's helpers? Destitute, unstylish, metal plate in his head replaced with a plastic one, Cousin Randy still comes through in a crisis by kidnapping Clark's boss and thereby granting Clark's only remaining Christmas wish.
Song 20: You Are My Joy, The Reindeer Section.
You'd expect them to have a Christmas song, wouldn't you? And the Santa to go with that? Santa "Clause" Claus, Tim Allen's version of Santa:
We watched that last night as we decorated our Christmas tree -- this year's theme, I am finally free to reveal, was Candy Bars! Sweetie tied Christmas ribbons to full-sized and mini candy bars and hung them on the tree and it looks really great, plus it's delicious -- and, I don't know. I kind of like Tim Allen's Santa. Partly because of the part where as he heads out to find a Mrs. Claus, he says something like "I've got a needlepoint sweater, and a minivan. I'll be back in 8 minutes." I found that amusing.
On the moral relativity ground, though, in this movie he falls in love with Juliet from Lost and I was never sold on her being a good guy; I didn't trust her even in the end. So now she's Mrs. Claus in some alternate universe and that's not necessarily good.
And Song 21: Santa Stole My Girlfriend, The Maine:
Which I really just chose for the title. But it's an okay song, right? I mean, you throw an acoustic guitar, some love, and a couple of references together and you're gonna get a pretty good Christmas song. Plus, this song is kind of what happens after Mommy kissed Santa Claus.
And the Santa/helper/etc for this song? Yukon Cornelius, the guy who helped Rudolph do something or other -- I don't even really remember the plot of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, the TV special, at all, as I sit here.
Do you suppose all those people who griped about all the 'back story' being put into Ron Howard's How The Grinch Stole Christmas also would have griped about all the 'back story' being put into Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer? The plot from the song, after all, was pretty thin soup.
Anyway, Yukon Cornelius, you might want to know, wasn't looking for gold or silver or anything like that. He was looking for peppermint. The scene where Yukon finds a peppermint mine was cut from the original film and not put back until 1998, so a generation of kids was left wondering what silver tasted like.
Prior songs/Santas:
17, 18: Nella Fantasia, Angels We Have Heard On High, and Larry Stewart.
16. You'll Never Find My Christmas, Bishop Allen, and Gizmo the Mogwai
15. The Twelve Days of Christmas, by Bob & Doug McKenzie, plus Bad Santa.
14. When the River Meets The Sea, by John Denver, plus "Doc Bullfrog."
13. All I Want For Christmas, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and The Santa who helped Superman fight Toyman.
12. We Need A Little Christmas, Glee version, and The Holiday Armadillo.
11, 10, 9: The Little Drummer Boy, Johnny Cash; What Christmas Means To Me, Stevie Wonder; What's This, by Julia Nunes and Ian Axel, and "The Santa From A Nightmare Before Christmas".
8. Taste The Coast, by Admiral Fallow
7. Dringo Bell, Mediaeval Babes
6. Born Is The King (It's Christmas) by Hillside
5: Tijuana Christmas by The Border Brass
4. Christmas Griping, REM
3. A Christmas Waltz, She & Him
2. Don't Shoot Me, Santa, The Killers
1. Snoopy's Christmas, The Royal Guardsmen
*Originally, I put Cousin Randy, but Grumpy Bulldog pointed out in the comments that that was wrong. So I corrected it, and did this footnote, which is the kind of stylish thing Slate does.
2 comments:
Actually it's Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation. He's played by Randy Quaid, so that's probably where the mixup happened.
Hmmnnn.... Now I'm wondering what silver tastes like.
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