The 6 Best Things I Didn't Know I Wanted Until I Saw Them On TV, #2 (MiniBest)

I think it's time to set the record straight a bit on just who is being discriminated against and who is not being discriminated against in the workplace, ladies.

Sure, you only make seventy cents for every dollar a man makes, and, sure, as soon as you get close to becoming a president we'll start making fun of your pantsuits, and, yeah, Kirstie Alley is a sex predator who's only days away from a sit-down with Chris Hansen...

... that doesn't really have anything to do with this post, but I thought it bore repeating...

... but have you ever stopped to consider the benefits that you have that men don't get, like the fact that Pajama Jeans are only made for women?

It's true.

And it's probably a violation of some amendment or Constitutional right or something, but are we going to hear from Michele Bachmann about how our Founding Fathers gave their blood, sweat, and tears to defend this country from invading Mexicans in the Battle of New Orleans all so that Lewis & Clark could finish building the space shuttle in order to be the first to circumnavigate the globe under water?

Probably, given Bachmann's muddled understanding of history. But that's besides the point. What is not besides the point -- what is the point -- is that it's totally unfair that Pajama Jeans are made for women only, and that men, like me, if we want to wear pajamas in public the way I accidentally did last week when Sweetie and I decided to take the Babies! for a ride and I was wearing pajamas and we had to stop for gas and Sweetie made me go inside to buy her a cookie so that I, a respected former judicial candidate, was seen in public buying a cookie while wearing plaid pajama pants, men like me have to be seen obviously wearing pajamas, whereas women get to pretend to be wearing jeans and still have the comfort of pajamas.

The allure of the pajama jeans is obvious, isn't it? What's more comfortable than a good pair of pajamas? Why shouldn't people get to wear pajamas everywhere we go? With robots taking over almost every societal function for us, we're all about three years away from being those people on the cruise ship in Wall-E, anyway, so why delay that?

In short, why shouldn't I get to wear pajamas to work? Life is unfair. I would gladly make 70% of what I earn now if I could make that 70% while wearing pajamas to work, provided that first you give me a raise to about 130% of what I make now, and then let me make that choice.

Prior entries in this category:

1. The Incredible Gyro Bowl.

gyro