Guest Post: The Top Ten Best Facts about Space Aliens & “Human”Abductees

Did you listen to me on the radio on August 1? I was the featured guest for Straight Talk, the radio show hosted by the great Jim Strait. You can listen live every Sunday at 6:30 (ET)(The link'll take you to his site.) Jim was a great host, and made it tough on me as a guest to keep up with his smarts and humor. He did, though, confess that he's never eaten a slice of pizza -- but let's don't hold that against him.

Jim also contributed a guest post for today, giving me the chance to (a) take the day off and (b) take credit for posting something anyway. Here's Jim's contribution:

The Top Ten Best Facts about Space Aliens & “Human”Abductees

If you were abducted by aliens from another planet, have seen a yeti, are emotionally involved with the idea of Oprah, Al Gore, Paris Hilton, or Sarah Palin, read no farther unless you have a sense of humor…for all others, enjoy!


10) Oprah Winfrey became an alien abductee because flying saucers are powered by cellulite and narcissism.

9)Abductee spelled backwards is eet-cud-ba, which is alien for gotcha!

8)Paris Hilton was taken as an abductee because aliens think emaciated is hot.

7) Al Gore was not abducted, he was recovered.

6) Even space aliens think that Big Foot is a hoax.

5) Abductees are taken at night and in remote places because Aliens are embarrassed to be seen with them.

4)Aliens will not abduct people smarter in IQ points than tall in inches.

3) Sarah Palin will never be abducted.

2) Shooting stars are actually how aliens execute problematic abductees.

1)Crop circles are produced by the alien version of the Three Stooges Curly when it drops to the ground and spins around while mouthing the alien words, whoop-whooop-whooop-whooop.

Nicely done, Jim -- and thanks for paying attention to Paris Hilton, a bit, because, as longtime readers know, failing to at least look at Paris once in a while will result in the ultimate destruction of the universe. (Read why in this book.)